I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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