your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
