im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
