i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
