We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
