i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize