One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
