Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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