I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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