I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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