I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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