Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
