im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
