I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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