are you still at the devil's house?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
