Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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