Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
