I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
