I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
