your parents love me but you hate me
D3 body, D1 cock
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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