So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
