Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
