I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
