He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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