How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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