it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
