I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
