I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize