I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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