You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
