i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think my vagina is haunted
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
