I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's great music for shaving your balls
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize