What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
