do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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