I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
