Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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