He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
