she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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