highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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