I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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