Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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