He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
