its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
