the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
