if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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