Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
