Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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