I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I skipped work to stalk him.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just gift wrapped bread.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
