So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
