Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize