the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
