hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We don't watch enough power rangers
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
