and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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