SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
