I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
