Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
