You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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