brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize