Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
