fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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