I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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