So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
