mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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