So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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