I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize