Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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